Gigs! Music gigs. Comedy gigs. Going to see a stage show.

Most people enjoy going to them and having a good time, me included.

I went to my first music gig when I was 16/17 and even after getting married and having kids I still enjoy the odd trip up to London...I know, how dare I still have a life at 30.

The only problem I have is that some people just don't know about the social etiquette that comes with being in a large group of people. Last night I went to see a band in London with my husband and a friend, and yes I did have a great time, but there were a couple of things that did tick me off.

First of all, who is the dickhead that has their phone above their head for 90% of the time? I don't mind people wanting to take pictures. Occasionally, you'll look back at those photos and they'll flood with warmth of how much fun you had. Those people are fine. No, I'm talking about the plebs who record their 'favourite' songs. You have the CD, or it's on some playlist on your phone so why on Earth would you need a grainy, jerking video with terrible sound quality including people screaming, and the odd hand flying in front of the view? When exactly are you going to watch that? One girl I saw at a gig a couple of weeks ago was actually bloody skyping her friend the entire time! Also, I did not pay a lot of money to watch the live band through your sodding phone.

Secondly, you have the people who just want to get drunk. I've got nothing against people who drink at gigs but if you know you're a pretty bad drunk then why take that risk? You've paid money to see a band that you must like, why then spend it arguing with someone when you've spilt your drink on them or with your head down the loo? Whilst watching the band last night I witnessed one guy who was so drunk that he didn't seem to realise we were standing against a metal fence on a slightly raised level so when he tried to flip, yes flip, over it he kicked several people in the head and landed on his head. Another woman was so drunk that she was practically grinding against my body moving OUT of time to the music.

Another group of people who really wind me up are the ones who know they're tall but still stand in front of the shortest person they can find. I know people can't help how tall they are, exactly the same as I can't help how bloody short I am. When I walk into a venue I assess where I can stand that will give me the best possible view. Then someone who's 6ft plus pushes past and stands right in the sodding way. I then spend the rest of the gig bouncing around on my tiptoes trying to see through heads and shoulders because I have been cursed with being 5ft 3.

I still managed to have a fantastic time though, and I won't stop going to see my favourite bands because of these people. It would be just be nice if they thought about others whilst at a gig...

Naive, Or Just Plain Clueless??

No one truly warns you about motherhood.

I know this because no one warned me.

When I first decided that I wanted to have kids I was expecting the Pinterest life, where all meals would be made from scratch served on pieces of slate, clothes would be hand sewn making my children the envy of nursery, and I would be slim post pregnancy due to kale shakes and yoga when the baby slept.

No one told me how naïve or just downright stupid I was. By the time I get home from work the kids are lucky that they get a hot meal, let alone it being made from scratch. I have not even attempted to sew a single item since having the kids (it's still on my to-do list), and I'm definitely bigger than I used to be.

Nobody explained to me that I would often leave the house in my husband's clothes, possibly with a stain on it that may or may not be baby vomit.

Nobody explained that once they learn to speak, they speak...A LOT!!!! And it's normally about absolutely nothing. My daughter asks stupid questions like, "Why did you buy this toy when you were four?" First of all, what?! Secondly, what?!!!!! 

Nobody explained that when you go to the toilet you will be followed by a child, a toddler and the dog. When they are older they will still try to follow you, and even if you lock the door they will sit outside the door asking why you won't let them in for a hug. "Because I'm having a shit, Lumen...now go away!"

I love my kids! I would love if they ate their vegetables, or listened when I tell them not to wrestle on the trampoline. I would love if they didn't manage to get pee all over the toilet seat and the floor. I would love if they would just tidy their sodding rooms!

But sometimes they just look at me and I can't be mad.

I mean, look at them. I know I'm biased but they are fucking gorgeous!

Like every mum though, I do have times when they really upset me.

When I've easily told them at least 50 times to pick up their school bags from the sofa, or when they flood the bathroom just washing their hands I get cross. But sometimes I do cry, I'll admit. It may even be in front of them occasionally.

Today though, I had to walk away and just let my husband deal with the situation. Whilst brushing their teeth before bed they were mucking about as usual and Lumen knocked the toothbrush holder into the sink.

I know that it's only a toothbrush holder BUT it is a toothbrush holder that I loved. It was an accident but it was avoidable and that's what made me mad. I scooped it out of the sink and shut myself in my room whilst my husband put the little monsters to bed.

I will obviously forgive them but I needed that time away from them.

That is one massive thing that no one will ever tell you when you are thinking of starting a family. Occasionally you will want to kill the little shits but you don't because you love them (and the idea of Bad Girls in real life is actually terrifying.)

Hunter is 7 years old and I definitely feel like I have no idea what I'm doing at least 15 times a day, and I think every parent feels that. The problem is that no one wants to admit that they don't know what the fuck they are doing, but I will proudly say that sometimes I am clueless.

But I am trying, and surely I get points for that.